The other person is explaining something. A question occurs to you that you want to ask. Jump in immediately? Rehearse the whole sentence in your head? Or wait and later find you no longer know what you wanted to say?
For this situation, you can try a short conversation sequence: name one point, ask for space for it, then say it. This article offers an editorial suggestion for people with ADHD. The conversation between Nika and Jo is fictional.
What one point do you want to contribute?
Nika and Jo are planning a private outing. Nika is explaining the outward journey. Jo notices that the journey home is still undecided. The point begins simply as “clarify the return journey.” Later it can become: “Which route shall we take home?”
Choose one point for your experiment. A new idea, a question about what was just said and a change of topic are different contributions. When you know which you want to make, you can introduce it that way: “I have a question about that” or “Afterwards, I’d like to bring up another topic.”
A cue word rather than the whole contribution
Jo writes “Journey home?” on an existing piece of paper. The words refer to Jo’s own open question. There is no need to turn them into a finished paragraph now.
If a note suits the situation, try a word you will understand later. You can briefly explain: “I’m noting my question for when you’re finished.” If the cue no longer gives you the context, ask rather than fill in something that was not said.
Ask for a place in the conversation
When Nika pauses, Jo says: “When you’re finished with the outward journey, I’d like to discuss getting home.” That announces the contribution. Nika can say whether there is more to add about the outward journey or whether there is room for the question now.
You can also ask directly: “Have you finished your point, or shall I wait?” A pause does not automatically mean a contribution has ended. Agree what suits this conversation rather than assign the other person a fixed speaking rhythm.
Start with the point you announced
When it is Jo’s turn, the question about the route home comes first. The extra idea for another outing can wait. Nika then has space to answer.
Sometimes the question has already been answered along the way. You can cross out the cue or say: “My point about getting home has just been cleared up.” You do not have to raise it again just because it is written down. If you actually agree something, the article on shared agreements explores how to record what was confirmed.
If you have already interrupted
In another version of the example, Jo starts talking about the return journey in the middle of Nika’s explanation. Jo notices and says: “I interrupted you. Please finish your point.” Jo then stops speaking and lets Nika continue.
The phrase does not need a long explanation. When your turn comes later, you can return to the point you announced. If others speak over your contribution, you can also ask for space: “I’d like to finish this sentence, then I’ll listen to you.” You can then agree who continues.
Keep track of what has not been discussed
If the conversation is ending, Jo asks: “Getting home is still undecided. Shall we sort it out briefly now or discuss it later?” A later time only becomes an agreement when both people actually confirm it. Otherwise, the question remains open.
A cue for a contribution is not yet a task or a shared decision. If a meeting leads to work of your own, turning meeting notes into actions explains that next step. During the conversation, first distinguish between already said, clarified and still open.
The conversation needs to make room for you too
The NIMH overview lists frequent interrupting as a possible ADHD symptom. That does not describe a lack of interest in the other person. You can also ask for a format that lets you join in: a pause after longer explanations, one point at a time, or a written follow-up. Agree this together. You do not have to maintain constant eye contact or perfect every sentence mentally. If others repeatedly talk over you, practising your own turn-taking is not the whole answer.
Three phrases for a small experiment
You can choose one phrase for your next suitable conversation:
- “I have a question about that when you’re finished.”
- “My point is getting home: which route shall we take?”
- “I interrupted you. Please finish what you were saying.”
Adapt the words to your situation. Afterwards, check whether the cue made sense and whether there was room for your announced point. You can contribute while leaving the other person space for their contribution.