Someone left a comment under one of my YouTube videos. Friendly, helpful, well meant. Something like: "Nice one. Would be even better if the camera were a bit steadier."
That's what the person said.
Here's what I heard: This person hates me. My videos are bad. Nobody wants to watch this. I do everything wrong, and it will never get better.
Between that one sentence and this whole collapse, maybe two seconds passed.
It has a name. It's called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria.
The short version
- Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, or RSD, means rejection or criticism hits you far harder than it should. Like a punch, not like a thought.
- The reaction is much bigger than the trigger. One small note, and your head turns it into "everyone hates me."
- RSD is not an official diagnosis. It's a term that came out of the ADHD community.
- What helps me: pause for a moment, breathe, and separate what was actually said from what my head makes of it.
What RSD means
RSD means rejection doesn't just annoy or hurt you, it knocks you flat. A critical look, a message left unanswered, feedback that was actually kind. And something inside you caves in that's completely out of proportion to what just happened.
With my YouTube comment, it went like this: I read it a second time. Then a third. Then I open the video and suddenly I only notice the shaky camera. The other comments underneath, the positive ones, I barely register in that moment. Within seconds, a friendly tip has become proof that I'm not lovable.
Important, and I'll say it plainly: RSD isn't in any official diagnostic manual. It's not a clinical term from a textbook. It's a word that grew out of the ADHD community to describe a feeling many of us know. I'm not writing this as an expert. I'm writing as someone who carries this around every day.
And then the shower
If it were only that one moment, it would be bearable.
But afterward is when it really starts. I'm standing in the shower, and the situation plays again. And again. I run it through, I turn it over, I try to fix it. What should I have said. What does the person think of me now. Sometimes for hours, sometimes for days.
I'm not in the present anymore. I'm in a loop that circles one single sentence, one that everyone but me forgot about long ago.
How I experience the ADHD and autism combination here
I have ADHD and autism at the same time, so AuDHD. For me it feels like the two of them work together in a pretty unfortunate way at exactly this point.
The first reaction comes extremely fast. No thinking, no buffer, just this immediate drop. And afterward my head gets stuck on the situation and replays it over and over.
Honestly, I can't say exactly which part comes from the ADHD and which from the autism. Maybe the fast reaction is more the ADHD and the long lingering is more the autism. Maybe it's all mixed together. But the combination makes it especially hard for me to let go again. Put simply: it ignites fast and burns for a long time.
I know that getting stuck from other things too. Once my head is inside a tunnel, it doesn't leave it willingly. I wrote about that in task switching. It's just that this time the tunnel isn't a work topic, it's a hurtful feeling.
There's one more thing. As an autistic person, I sometimes don't read social signals correctly, or I read something into them that wasn't there. I'm constantly scanning faces and I notice immediately when someone didn't like something. Sometimes even when there was nothing to notice. And I think, when you've collected so many experiences of not fitting in and being corrected over the years as a neurodivergent person, you become doubly sensitive to the smallest sign of rejection.
What RSD costs me as a creator
What I notice in myself is that the fear of criticism is often worse than the criticism itself.
I publish a video or a new feature, and afterward I'm not proud or relieved. I immediately start looking for signs that someone might dislike it. Every video, every message, every feature is an invitation to the world to reject me.
So part of me always wants to postpone, smooth over, hold back. Just don't risk anything. And that's what costs me the most. Not the single comment, but the fact that with everything I do, I'm already bracing for the rejection instead of just being in the moment.
What actually helps me
"Just don't take it so personally" is not advice that works with RSD. The feeling is too fast and too strong for me to simply think it away. What did change something for me is something else.
I try not to react right away in that moment. Stop for a second, breathe, don't write anything, don't decide anything. The first wave is always the most intense, and at the same time the least reliable.
Then I go through the situation again, but calmly. What was actually said, and what did I add on top? With that comment: what was said was something about the camera. What was not said was that the person hates me or that nobody wants to watch my videos. I added all of that myself.
And when I catch myself reading something into it that wasn't said, I try to consciously let it go. The thoughts still come, and they feel real. But I don't have to confirm them. They're only thoughts. They're not what the person said.
It doesn't always work. On some days I'm too drained to create that distance, and then the shower loop runs anyway. That's okay.
Something you can try today
If you recognize yourself here, then next time something hits you, try one single thing. Write down two sentences.
First: What was actually said? Just the facts.
Second: What did my head make of it?
Then look at the two side by side. For me the gap is almost always huge. "The camera could be steadier" versus "everyone hates me." Seeing that in black and white takes some of the power away from the second version.
That's all you need for now. Just that one bit of distance between what happened and what your head built out of it.
Frequently asked questions about RSD
Is RSD an official diagnosis?
No. RSD isn't in any official diagnostic manual like the ICD or DSM. The term comes from the ADHD community and describes a real experience, but it's not a recognized medical diagnosis. If it weighs on you heavily, it's worth getting a professional assessment.
What can I do in the moment when it hits me?
What helps me is not reacting right away, but pausing for a second and breathing. Then I separate what was actually said from what my head made of it. The thoughts I can't back up with what was actually said, I try not to believe, even when they feel strong.
Can RSD happen without ADHD?
The term originally comes from the ADHD context, but many people with autism or other backgrounds experience a similar sensitivity to rejection. With AuDHD, the combination of both, it can feel especially stubborn, because the fast reaction and the long lingering come together.
To close
I'm not writing all of this because I have RSD under control now. As I write this, I know full well that the next critical comment can still get to me. I might end up in the shower again, continuing a conversation that ended in reality a long time ago.
But by now I sometimes catch what's happening earlier. I can tell myself: that was a comment about my camera. Not about my worth as a person.
Sometimes that helps. Sometimes not yet. But that small bit of distance alone is more than I used to have.
Don't give up on yourself.